Women need love, men need respect.
Women need to submit, men need to lead.
Women need protection, men need to protect.
Women need to follow, men need to initiate.
Nowhere is this as important as in the bedroom, we are told by every layman and priest who thinks patriarchy is God's ideal. But if women are going to enjoy sex, they need respect, the opportunity to lead, protect and initiate, just as men need love, the opportunity to submit, be protected, and led by someone.
Let me explain.
Conventional patriarchal wisdom tells us that women and men are different and therefore men and women should behave in different ways. But we already know that it's not about ability; and because it's not ability, it must be about who wants to get the most out of the situation. Yet, getting what you want isn't necessarily what you need or what will make you happy or fulfilled in the end.
A lot of men like to be aggressive and they are usually the loudest proponents of men-on-top sex politics. But also a lot of women enjoy being aggressive. A woman who prefers to be aggressive is not going to enjoy being forced into a submissive, passive role in bed, nor will a man who would rather have someone else lead be happy to always be the one who initiates. So why do we try to squeeze everyone into roles that are unnatural for them just to keep the Alpha male happy? How is everyone else's unhappiness going to add to the happiness of the man who can't stand being led by anyone? The only thing we are doing is adding more people to the unhappiness statistics that are then used to argue that the man should lead both in the living room and bedroom, and women should learn to be passive and never say no (unless they are unmarried, then there is no other answer than no).
And what about this idea that women need love and men need respect? Is love enough to keep a woman happy? Not really, for love alone doesn't allow us to say what we want; respect does. And nowhere is this more true than in the bedroom, for love can cause us to impose ourselves on other people because what we want must be what they want.
But respect tells us to ask first, act later.
A woman who knows her wishes are respected will ask for the pleasure that she seeks instead of being a passive recipient of the man's fumbling attempts to please her. A man who understands to respect the woman he loves will ask for guidance and share the secrets to his own desires. When love and respect, giving and taking, talking and listening, leading and surrendering are shared equally, sex moves from a mere physical act to a metaphysical realm where the souls of the lovers merge. Instead of a rushed affair to keep the biological urges in check, the body is transformed into a temple and sex becomes an act of mutual worship.
Who wouldn't want that?